Doug Dirickson is an asshole! He was born and spent the early portion of his life in Missouri before his family moved to Florida. He proudly calls himself the product of countless generations of White Trash. His mother died when Doug was just two years old. He was raised in a single parent household by a father who worked two jobs to support Doug and his sister. His father struggled to ensure the rent was paid at the various trailer parks they called home while managing to send both of his children to a private high school and Florida State University. Doug was oblivious and insensitive to the burden of his father’s sacrifices and managed to complete a two-year community college in just under six years. He transferred to FSU and completed the final 2 years of his bachelor’s degree in four years. Doug Dirickson is an asshole!
Doug took a job with a local law enforcement agency. It was the career he had dreamed of since his childhood. He envisioned himself in the role of Sonny Crocket in Miami Vice. He anticipated a life of chasing bad guys, driving a Ferrari, wearing custom made suits, and recklessly sleeping with countless beautiful women. In reality, Doug was resigned to stuffing his flabby frame into a polyester uniform with a nametag. He looked like a fat bag of mayonnaise driving a used Chevy Caprice. Needless to say, the harem of beautiful women never materialized. The irony that Doug Dirickson spent his entire professional career as a civil servant is jaw dropping when you take into account his utter disgust of people in general. As a law enforcement training officer, he often bragged to his trainees that all you need to be a good cop is the ability to convincingly fake interest in other people’s stupid problems. Guess what? Doug Dirickson is an asshole.
Doug Dirickson has the annoying habit of repeating himself over and over again. He can take the sincerest and simplest of ideas and beat it into the mind of others through relentless recitation. He believes that the more something is said the more likely that it will be taken as truth. Doug Dirickson is an asshole! Doug Dirickson is an asshole! Doug Dirickson is an asshole.
At 55 years of age, Doug Dirickson is not entirely convinced that professional wrestling is scripted. He’s spent countless hours and a large portion of his retirement savings purchasing wrestling t-shirts and memorabilia. He owns probably the largest private collection of Ric Flair themed clothing items. Doug Dirickson is the belt toting World Champion of assholes.
Doug Dirickson studied Spanish in college. Not for the obvious advantages that came with a dual language professional law enforcement officer. He saw that a large portion of the student body studying the language were female. Often times young beautiful Hispanic native speakers working to obtain their degree so they could one day teach the language to others. Doug Dirickson obtained a college degree in Spanish in hopes that just one of those beautiful co-eds would see him as anything other than a fat bag of mayonnaise. Doug Dirickson es un cabron!
Throughout his lifetime Doug Dirickson has found wonderful people, families, and romantic interests who have welcomed Doug into their lives. Often times giving him a place to live and the care and love that is generally reserved for the most cherished of loved ones. Doug Dirickson has actively worked to destroy and abandon each and every one of these relationships individually. He found that he has the unique ability to just up and disappear from the environment of any person, family or friend who in any way cares about or loves him. He blames his social awkwardness and lack of personal emotions on a mother who committed the cardinal sin of dying of Cancer before she had the opportunity to shower him with love and spend her very existence tending to his every need. He sees his inability to allow anyone to love him as a valuable tool to prevent anyone from becoming too familiar, too close, too human. He sees anyone who has the wherewithal to love and care about him as a flawed person unworthy of occupying the same atmosphere as himself. Doug Dirickson really is an asshole!